Everyone loves a good mystery right? And this movie has a great one:
“Why is it called Super 8?”
We open to the news that our main character, a kid called Joe, has just had his mum killed horribly in a factory accident. She was so badly crushed that the other kids are standing around at the funeral wondering what it is they actually put in the coffin.
So it’s a light-hearted family movie then?
After the funeral, we see Joe’s dad, Mr Police-officer, having a serious looking argument with another guy, who he kicks out of his house and tells to never come back...
... hmmm... why...?
DON’T ASK! This mystery is not why you are here! It will distract you and disappoint you! Focus:
“Why is it called Super 8?”
So Joe and his friends, Fat Kid, Firestarter, Coward and Other Kid, are making a zombie movie, when Fat Kid (he’s the writer/director) decides what the movie needs is some love interest, so he invites Blond Girl to join them.
1,2,3,4,5,6... damn... why is it called Super 8?
Anyway, when filming one of the scenes for the zombie flick, the kids end up right next to a train explosion caused by some crazy guy driving his car directly at the train. Crazy Guy somehow manages to survive the collision and tells the kids to run.
Run and tell no one of what they saw.
Enter the big bad military people, cover ups, conspiracies and strange disappearings.
*SPOILERS*
Turns out, the monster is actually really nice and friendly – although he does eat people...
Oh, and if you haven’t figured it out yet, Super 8 is a type of camera that the kids use to make their film.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
After the unbelievable dullness that was part 1, I was more than a little bit tempted to give this one a miss.
But then, having sold 15 million copies of the book in just the first 24 hours of its release, there surely must be something interesting in it and since none of that was in the first part...
*Spoilers*
We open to Harry and co deciding that they need to break into an evil witch’s treasure fault where they will no doubt find another of the horcrux.
If, like many other people, you slept through most of the first part, I should remind you that only by destroying all the horcruxes can they then kill the big bad Voldemort, but the horcruxes could be anywhere and could look like anything. You might think this would make matters difficult, but they tend to be in the very first place anyone decides to look for them, which is handy.
Now, in order to get into Witch’s secret chamber they need the help of a goblin, and thus bribe him with the Sword of Gryffindor...
...why?
The goblin does fudge all to get them in. The whole scene can be added to the pile of pointless that the first part started to build up.
They sneak in, the goblin betrays them, takes the sword, then moments later Voldemort has killed him and the sword disappears and goes back to the good guys. Admittedly not straight back to Harry, but close enough to make the whole thing pointless.
Oh, and obviously the horcrux was exactly where they thought it would be and another one bites the dust.
With the movie being over two hours in length, I won’t go through it scene by scene, but I have to point out one more pet peeve.
WHY DOESN’T HARRY DIE?!?!?!
Too harsh? Maybe, but they’ve clearly been building up to the fact that the only way to kill Voldemort would be for Harry’s death since the first film, and they explicitly state it in this film, so why doesn’t he bloody die?
Harry is not an interesting character, he is not the best wizard, his only claim to fame was that he would have to die. What went wrong?
I know, I know, it’s a kids film, but seriously, of the 15 million people who bought the book in the first 24 hours, I would wager about 14,999,972 were over the age of 12.
Harry should die.
But then, having sold 15 million copies of the book in just the first 24 hours of its release, there surely must be something interesting in it and since none of that was in the first part...
*Spoilers*
We open to Harry and co deciding that they need to break into an evil witch’s treasure fault where they will no doubt find another of the horcrux.
If, like many other people, you slept through most of the first part, I should remind you that only by destroying all the horcruxes can they then kill the big bad Voldemort, but the horcruxes could be anywhere and could look like anything. You might think this would make matters difficult, but they tend to be in the very first place anyone decides to look for them, which is handy.
Now, in order to get into Witch’s secret chamber they need the help of a goblin, and thus bribe him with the Sword of Gryffindor...
...why?
The goblin does fudge all to get them in. The whole scene can be added to the pile of pointless that the first part started to build up.
They sneak in, the goblin betrays them, takes the sword, then moments later Voldemort has killed him and the sword disappears and goes back to the good guys. Admittedly not straight back to Harry, but close enough to make the whole thing pointless.
Oh, and obviously the horcrux was exactly where they thought it would be and another one bites the dust.
With the movie being over two hours in length, I won’t go through it scene by scene, but I have to point out one more pet peeve.
WHY DOESN’T HARRY DIE?!?!?!
Too harsh? Maybe, but they’ve clearly been building up to the fact that the only way to kill Voldemort would be for Harry’s death since the first film, and they explicitly state it in this film, so why doesn’t he bloody die?
Harry is not an interesting character, he is not the best wizard, his only claim to fame was that he would have to die. What went wrong?
I know, I know, it’s a kids film, but seriously, of the 15 million people who bought the book in the first 24 hours, I would wager about 14,999,972 were over the age of 12.
Harry should die.
Beginners
This is a beautiful film.
This is everything Tree of Life wished it could be and more.
The film focuses on Oliver (Ewan McGregor), a 38 year old graphic artist. Oliver’s mother died when he was 33, 6 months later his father announced he was gay and 4 years after that his father died. He is left alone, with only his father’s dog, Arthur, as a companion. Until he meets Anna.
And that’s pretty much the whole film from start to finish.
Now, you’re probably wondering where the *Spoilers* warning disappeared to, but everything I just said is described in the first 5 minutes of the film. The beauty of this film is not in the story development, but in the character development.
Of the 26 movies I’ve seen in the cinema over the past year, at least half of them have struggled to find even one really likable character.
This movie has found them all. Especially the dog, Arthur.
Oliver: “Look, it’s lonely out here, so, you better learn how to talk with me.”
Subtitles under Arthur: *While I understand up to 150 words – I don’t talk.*
Arthur is fantastic, this film is great and you need to watch it.
*Are we married yet?*
This is a beautiful film.
This is everything Tree of Life wished it could be and more.
The film focuses on Oliver (Ewan McGregor), a 38 year old graphic artist. Oliver’s mother died when he was 33, 6 months later his father announced he was gay and 4 years after that his father died. He is left alone, with only his father’s dog, Arthur, as a companion. Until he meets Anna.
And that’s pretty much the whole film from start to finish.
Now, you’re probably wondering where the *Spoilers* warning disappeared to, but everything I just said is described in the first 5 minutes of the film. The beauty of this film is not in the story development, but in the character development.
Of the 26 movies I’ve seen in the cinema over the past year, at least half of them have struggled to find even one really likable character.
This movie has found them all. Especially the dog, Arthur.
Oliver: “Look, it’s lonely out here, so, you better learn how to talk with me.”
Subtitles under Arthur: *While I understand up to 150 words – I don’t talk.*
Arthur is fantastic, this film is great and you need to watch it.
*Are we married yet?*
This is a beautiful film.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The Tree of Life
This is a strange film.
We open to Mrs O’Brien receiving a letter that her son has died. She’s, understandably, upset. Her husband is upset. One of her other son’s is upset.
They all do narration to show they’re upset while the film shows some “artistic” images.
Then we reach the strange part.
The narration stops, any images regarding the family stop and the film starts showing a kaleidoscope of weird images.
A close up of the Sun, looking like something you would get on a screensaver
...planets... water...
... wtf?...
... sealife ... dinosaurs ... huh?...
This goes on a while. At least 10 solid minutes of random images, without explanation. It’s around this time that people started to give up and walk out of the cinema. I couldn’t blame them. It’s long enough to make you wonder if this is how the rest of the film is going to be, a series of random images, and boring enough to make that thought scare you away.
Then, just as suddenly as the randomness started, it goes away. That’s not to say the whole film isn’t desperately still trying to be “artistic” in every scene, but a story line comes back.
It’s the story of the family growing up, the mum, dad and three boys.
But after the mind rape of those 10 minutes it takes along time to get back into, and by the time you do it’s too little too late. The movie feels forced and drags out far too long.
Then we finish with some more random scenes – this time the equivalent of the “bow” at the end of a stage performance, with every actor in the film randomly walking around on a random beach.
Obviously fans of the film will call me an idiot. Tell me I didn’t “get it”. It’s “art”.
Yes, it’s weird enough so that it can be interpreted in various ways, cause debates about the “true” meanings, etc, but it’s a fine line between genius and insanity and I fear this film is often on the wrong side of that line.
This is a strange film.
We open to Mrs O’Brien receiving a letter that her son has died. She’s, understandably, upset. Her husband is upset. One of her other son’s is upset.
They all do narration to show they’re upset while the film shows some “artistic” images.
Then we reach the strange part.
The narration stops, any images regarding the family stop and the film starts showing a kaleidoscope of weird images.
A close up of the Sun, looking like something you would get on a screensaver
...planets... water...
... wtf?...
... sealife ... dinosaurs ... huh?...
This goes on a while. At least 10 solid minutes of random images, without explanation. It’s around this time that people started to give up and walk out of the cinema. I couldn’t blame them. It’s long enough to make you wonder if this is how the rest of the film is going to be, a series of random images, and boring enough to make that thought scare you away.
Then, just as suddenly as the randomness started, it goes away. That’s not to say the whole film isn’t desperately still trying to be “artistic” in every scene, but a story line comes back.
It’s the story of the family growing up, the mum, dad and three boys.
But after the mind rape of those 10 minutes it takes along time to get back into, and by the time you do it’s too little too late. The movie feels forced and drags out far too long.
Then we finish with some more random scenes – this time the equivalent of the “bow” at the end of a stage performance, with every actor in the film randomly walking around on a random beach.
Obviously fans of the film will call me an idiot. Tell me I didn’t “get it”. It’s “art”.
Yes, it’s weird enough so that it can be interpreted in various ways, cause debates about the “true” meanings, etc, but it’s a fine line between genius and insanity and I fear this film is often on the wrong side of that line.
This is a strange film.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Transformers 3
The nights are the worst.
I still wake up screaming in a cold sweat.
“NOOOO!!!!!!!!!”
How could they?!? How could they make Megatron kneel to some old bloke and call him master?
MEGATRON?!?
This is the guy who, when left for dead in the depts of space, said “I belong to nobody!” to an evil transforming planet who was offering him his only chance of survival.
It still hurts.
… particularly when Jean slaps me for waking her up again…
…anyway, could Transformers 3 succeed in its attempt to put right what once went wrong and finally give the Transformers the respect they deserve?
“NOOOO!!!!!!!!!”
I HATE Michael Bay.
This movie systematically goes through every little detail fans of the original cartoon would have grown to love and sh*ts on them one by one. I could write a book on how many things Bay has got completely wrong, but let me just summarise by saying:
If you grew up with the cartoons this film is NOT for you.
So, how about for the non-fans?
Yeah, the film still has very little to offer. Most characters are underdeveloped and/or annoying and the plot twists don’t make any sense.
It’s got lots of explosions though, if that’s your thing.
I hate Michael Bay.
I still wake up screaming in a cold sweat.
“NOOOO!!!!!!!!!”
How could they?!? How could they make Megatron kneel to some old bloke and call him master?
MEGATRON?!?
This is the guy who, when left for dead in the depts of space, said “I belong to nobody!” to an evil transforming planet who was offering him his only chance of survival.
It still hurts.
… particularly when Jean slaps me for waking her up again…
…anyway, could Transformers 3 succeed in its attempt to put right what once went wrong and finally give the Transformers the respect they deserve?
“NOOOO!!!!!!!!!”
I HATE Michael Bay.
This movie systematically goes through every little detail fans of the original cartoon would have grown to love and sh*ts on them one by one. I could write a book on how many things Bay has got completely wrong, but let me just summarise by saying:
If you grew up with the cartoons this film is NOT for you.
So, how about for the non-fans?
Yeah, the film still has very little to offer. Most characters are underdeveloped and/or annoying and the plot twists don’t make any sense.
It’s got lots of explosions though, if that’s your thing.
I hate Michael Bay.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Larry Crowne
Written by, directed by and starring Tom Hanks, Larry Crowne is a film that shows if you’re a major Hollywood Movie Star you can do whatever you want, even create a film for the sole purpose of kissing Julia Roberts.
We open with our hero, Larry, being called into an office at the supermarket where he works and being fired by a bunch of idiots laughing at him for not going to university. To add to the brutality, he has at some point in the painfully recent past just been through a divorce and is already struggling to pay off a mortgage.
But all is not lost.
He decides to go to college and make the best of a bad time, where, of cause, he is taught by Julia Roberts.
It’s not one of Tom’s finer moments. For a romantic comedy, it falls a little short on just two aspects: the romance and the comedy.
It’s a harmless enough film, but the story drags at times and really the only thing it has going for it is Tom Hanks.
We open with our hero, Larry, being called into an office at the supermarket where he works and being fired by a bunch of idiots laughing at him for not going to university. To add to the brutality, he has at some point in the painfully recent past just been through a divorce and is already struggling to pay off a mortgage.
But all is not lost.
He decides to go to college and make the best of a bad time, where, of cause, he is taught by Julia Roberts.
It’s not one of Tom’s finer moments. For a romantic comedy, it falls a little short on just two aspects: the romance and the comedy.
It’s a harmless enough film, but the story drags at times and really the only thing it has going for it is Tom Hanks.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Green Lantern
When an ancient evil awakens and kills our local intergalactical protector, Hal Jordan is chosen to replace him as the new Green Lantern and must stop this evil before it destroys our world.
THIS MOVIE GIVES ALL OTHER COMIC BOOK MOVIES A BAD NAME!
Having never read any Green Lantern comics, or seen him in any other media before, I have no idea if it’s true to the comics. Either way, it sucks.
OK, so there are 3600 odd Green Lanterns, who each protect 1/3600 of the universe. Each has a magic ring which allows him to create anything he can imagine. The ring is charged by a lantern, which in turn is charged by the central core, which is charged by the will power of everyone in the universe.
That’s stupid.
Yes, lots of comic book characters have stupid origins, most to do with the magical properties of “radiation,” but still, he gets his abilities from will power? Really?
It gets worse.
The big bad is charged by fear. However, fear turns out to be a less stable form of energy, which is why he goes insane and decides to destroy the universe.
I could go on to describe the long list of plot holes in the film, but when the basic concept is so stupid do I need to say more?
That said, I did like the remake of Superman’s balcony scene.
THIS MOVIE GIVES ALL OTHER COMIC BOOK MOVIES A BAD NAME!
Having never read any Green Lantern comics, or seen him in any other media before, I have no idea if it’s true to the comics. Either way, it sucks.
OK, so there are 3600 odd Green Lanterns, who each protect 1/3600 of the universe. Each has a magic ring which allows him to create anything he can imagine. The ring is charged by a lantern, which in turn is charged by the central core, which is charged by the will power of everyone in the universe.
That’s stupid.
Yes, lots of comic book characters have stupid origins, most to do with the magical properties of “radiation,” but still, he gets his abilities from will power? Really?
It gets worse.
The big bad is charged by fear. However, fear turns out to be a less stable form of energy, which is why he goes insane and decides to destroy the universe.
I could go on to describe the long list of plot holes in the film, but when the basic concept is so stupid do I need to say more?
That said, I did like the remake of Superman’s balcony scene.
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