Smallville Finale

Warning: *Spoilers*
*Major Spoilers.*
With the wedding of Lois and Clark, Darkseid and his apocalypse, Clark’s final transformation into Superman and, most importantly, the return of Lex, as well as any other loose ends the show felt like tying up, the Smallville Finale had its work cut out to squeeze it all in, even with the longer run time of 83 minutes.

OK, so we start with the wedding. Good choice, get that out the way.

Lois is doubting if she should marry Clark. She loves him, but feels she, a mere mortal, will be getting in his way. Clark tells her she’s being silly. Fairly pointless scenes since I don’t think anyone watching will have any doubts that they’ll finish up together. This is Superman and Lois Lane FFS.

After a few more fairly pointless scenes we move on to...
...Clark having doubts about Lois… wait… what? Really? We’re still on this?

10 min in – Lois and Clark
20 min in – Lois and Clark
30 min in – Lois and Clark

Smallville, you absolute twats, don’t do this. Where the hell is Lex?!? What are you doing with Darkseid? Why aren’t you focusing on the bloody birth of Superman!?! That’s what this show, all 10 seasons of it, was suppose to have been made for!

35 min in – Oliver turns bad boy, OK, it starts.
37 min in – Clark says, “Don’t be bad, mkay?” Oliver replies, “Yeah, fair enough, sorry about that.”

We have our first anti-climax people. Smallville – keeping it real – giving the fans what they clearly keep coming back for.
Then we have another 10 min of pointless waffle.

45 min in – we finally get a mention of Lex!!!! Turns out, Lex had almost completed a perfect clone – none of this aging crap, no worries about Clark DNA, just pure, unadulterated Lex. Its missing only one part – the heart (obviously). Seriously, what’s so hard about getting a fake heart for someone with Lex’s tech skills?

Anyway, Lionel decides Tess would be a good place to find a heart, Tess disagrees, they have a bit of an argument and it ends with Lionel selling his soul to Darkseid for Lex’s return.

50 min in – Lex opens his eyes!!!

This should be a great moment, but its spoilt by one fairly major fact – there’s only 33 min left and we’ve gotten nowhere. Well, that and the fact that the equipment he’s in is trying to remind people of how they killed Lex. Why would you want people to remember that? It sucked. Big time.

Despite everyone telling Clark that since the world is about to be destroyed it might be a good time to go see Jor-El and get help, he still hasn’t bothered, nothing really happening with Darkseid, other than a big planet about to hit the Earth and Lex has only 33 min to turn it all around.
You would think another planet about to hit Earth would be a bigger deal. You would think, with how close it looks in some of the scenes, it might mess things up a little bit more. You would be wrong.

55 – 60 min – Lex’s first real scene. It’s a nice scene, although, unfortunately, he tells us exactly what we didn’t really want to hear, but with only 23 min left we knew was coming: “Hi Clark, don’t mind me, I’m only here for the epilogue.”

61 min in – anti-climax number 2 – Oliver takes out Granny and the other 2 of Darkseid’s elite with a single shot. All 3, one shot, no fight. That was easy.

65 min in – Clark is FINALLY thinking about, possibly going to see Jor-El, when Darkseid appears in the zombified form of Lionel – with a stupid voice.

68 min in – after 3 min of flashbacks – Clark can fly!! Whoo!
69 min in – anti-climax the third – Darkseid is dead in a single blow.
And so, of cause, is Lionel. True, Lionel was pretty dead already, but it would have been nice if Clark could have hesitated for even a second to consider if Lionel could be saved. I mean this is basically the very first moment as Superman. His very first act is to kill Lionel without a hint of hesitation? Superman? Kill? No regrets?

Fudge it, there’s only 13 min left, lets wrap thing up. Clark puts on his cape, rescues Lois in a plane (obviously), then throws the planet that was about to hit Earth away and everyone is happy again. Anti-climax 4? I’m losing count.

Cut to seven years later – all is well, and Lois and Clark are about to get married… what? Why the hell would that take another 7 years?
If they still had the option of another 7 seasons they would really want to fill it all with Lois and Clark huh?

Well then, I guess this is a good time for it to end.

Goodbye Smallville.

R.I.P.

Your Highness

The tale of two princes, Fabious and Thadeous, one dashing and brave, the other… Thadeous. When Fabious’ fiancée is taken by an evil wizard, the brother’s must work together to rescue her.

Admittedly, Your Highness has not done well with the critics, be they professional critics or internet nut jobs. Seriously, what kind of idiot writes random film reviews for no money that almost no one will ever read? Freaks.

It is almost universally agreed that Your Highness is a bad film. And in truth, it’s pretty easy to see why. It’s stupid, pointless and predictable, the humour is incredibly crude and a lot of the jokes are given away in the trailer.

If you’re easily offended, this will offend you. If you watch offensive comedy all the time, this may well bore you. It’s difficult to see who the target audience really was.

But, in the words of Thadeous himself, “Fuck that.”

I found it hilarious.

True, they did milk the sex jokes and the word “fuck”, but it still managed to be incredibly easy to watch, with a lot of likable characters who all had clear, understandable motives.

And a lot of very funny moments.

Just try to remember not to take it seriously.