Dragon Ball Evolution

Dave felt sick. Physically sick.

Having a spare moment after work, and with nothing interesting on TV, Dave decided to watch a movie online and headed over to TVLinks to see what was available.

Dragon Ball Evolution. A new live action film of the popular Dragon Ball cartoon series. Having seen the trailer he was far from hopeful, but with nothing else to watch he decided to have a gander. Afterall, if it was Dragon Ball how bad could it be.

After 12 min 26 sec he hit the pause button and headed over to his blog to hurl.

'Oh dear lord no.'

True, he hadn't yet gave it a fair try, it could get better, but my word it sucks. It had gone so very far wrong in such a short amount of time, it seemed beyond any chance of repair.

1. Goku is a whiny teenager instead of an ultra innocent child.
2. Goku is complaining about not being able to use his powers to beat up school bullies?!?!?!
Goku doesn't even go to school! And he's the good guy!
3. Goku says to his grandad "Teach me something I can use. Teach me how to pick up girls"!!!!
No. No. No. Goku doesn't even know what a girl IS in the cartoons, he's never seen a girl, but even ignoring how completely different it is from the cartoons, who would ever ask their grandad to teach them to get chicks?

At this point ur less than 5 min into the film. The list just never seems to end.

Goku is in love with Chi Chi, who he goes to school with, but she's always surrounded by the cool kids, who Goku wants to beat up, but knows he shouldn't, so walks away. He sees her alone struggling to open her locker, so he uses his magic powers to open it, she's suddenly interested and not even slightly shocked. He gets invited to a party at "her house" and instantly says he'll be there, despite not being told where her house is and seemingly talking for the first time. At the party the bullies attack him, but he decides to be "cool" and just moves out of the way of each hit making them all beat each other up.

NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

Why must movies like this go deliberately out of their way to try and destroy a person's childhood memories?

So wrong.