Transformers 3

The nights are the worst.

I still wake up screaming in a cold sweat.

“NOOOO!!!!!!!!!”

How could they?!? How could they make Megatron kneel to some old bloke and call him master?

MEGATRON?!?

This is the guy who, when left for dead in the depts of space, said “I belong to nobody!” to an evil transforming planet who was offering him his only chance of survival.

It still hurts.
… particularly when Jean slaps me for waking her up again…

…anyway, could Transformers 3 succeed in its attempt to put right what once went wrong and finally give the Transformers the respect they deserve?

“NOOOO!!!!!!!!!”

I HATE Michael Bay.

This movie systematically goes through every little detail fans of the original cartoon would have grown to love and sh*ts on them one by one. I could write a book on how many things Bay has got completely wrong, but let me just summarise by saying:

If you grew up with the cartoons this film is NOT for you.

So, how about for the non-fans?

Yeah, the film still has very little to offer. Most characters are underdeveloped and/or annoying and the plot twists don’t make any sense.
It’s got lots of explosions though, if that’s your thing.

I hate Michael Bay.